xiinz

2011-10-06T01:20:00.001+08:00

I miss you:(
No one will truly understand the pain I had until now, moving on is easier to be said than done, I've been trying so hard so hard but I think I failed again. Trying my best to hold back my tears every single moment, trying my best to not think of you, keeping all to me, the memories. I don't wish to think, but I can't. I used to have you to say everything, how I feel even when we had... But now you disappear in my life, you is you, me is me. I start to bottled up, not saying anything to anyone, i don't know how to say, so I cried, all I knew is cry. Acting strong infront of everyone, saying that I'm alright, but am I really okay? I doubt myself.

2011-09-25T14:45:00.002+08:00

I learnt how to keep everything towards myself,
i told myself that i must stand up again,
but sometimes it's just so hard so hard.
Every single day,
i would think of you,
sometimes i asked myself if i would start a new and try again,
the answer is no,
i'm too afraid of being hurt again,
i've phobia now.
Everyone told me that you must be hurt alot of times before you would find the one that's right,
i asked myself,
can i?
one time is really enough,
i don't have the courage.
I'm still waiting for you,
i'm still waiting.

2011-09-10T13:55:00.000+08:00

I've been trying so hard to hide the pain in my heart,
always trying so hard to,
to heal the wound or even shut it with a door not to think about it,
putting a strong cover over it, telling myself nothing had happened!
But i seems to fail, fail in doing so,
thinking of you,
the memories we had, i collaspe once again.
i know i shouldn't been living in the past,
but moving on is not as easy as reading ABC.

Especially today! i saw you, i saw you!!!!
why must i see you?????????
i really don't know why.
my karma is here, i've suffer and i had enough,
why must you still appear infront of me,
what make it worst is you not even have the courage to look at me,
i should be the one not you.
i should be the one who feel guilty,
but now there's not a need already.

I'll never forget the harsh words you said to me, it's hurt me so deeply than you thought,
靠树，树倒，靠人，人跑。

2011-08-14T22:10:00.002+08:00

I'm really very sad,
no words can really describe what i'm feeling now,
Gohonzoh, direct me, tell me which way to chose.
A. Happiness depends on one decision, and everything will be fine,
but are you willing, willing to give me this, no you are not.
i wanted so much to let go, but i can't. i failed, i'm a failure.
i know you are not willing yet i keep ask,
seems like i'm shameless and making myself so worthless.
it's all my fault. but i can't control, you just don't understand where you weigh in me.
B. No happiness at all, will be hurting myself even deeply but able to satisfy others' need,
Win-win solution for all, no more struggling, you are free, someone else will be very happy.
but i'm no going to be happy at all, i must force myself so hard to accept and change, cannot make myself happy but make all happy. when chosen, it's final and there's no u-turn.

i'm such a failure, i hate myself for unable to accept,
i hate myself not able to let go,
i hate myself for being so weak,
if i can accept it, things wouldn't be this way.
i hate to see you this way because of me,
i hate us being this way yet i can't do anything,
maybe B is the best choice for all of us,
then you won't suffer and i won't bother you anymore.
but why do a YES so difficult to say now.
i shouldn't appear in your life,
am i right?

2011-08-08T21:36:00.001+08:00

i'm trying my best to let go, i believe i can. totally awake from my dream, back to reality again.

2011-08-03T22:45:00.001+08:00

如果你问我现在怎样，我只会对你说难过。
是我不够潇洒。

2011-07-19T08:49:00.001+08:00

我会坚强，我会努力不让眼泪流下来。
我会努力维护我受伤的心灵，
我不会再依赖你，你自由了。

2011-07-08T23:16:00.000+08:00

我又回到一个人了。一天失去两个人。

2011-06-28T22:26:00.003+08:00

This place means alot to me, it had an unforgettable memories...
I went to the place just now, i sat on it and start thinking, thinking of the memories and i smile, can it happen again?
I'm wondering if you still rmb this place, do you?

2011-06-15T10:45:00.002+08:00

It's hurt me so bad to send you off,
seeing the back view of yours become further and further from me, my heart hurt so deeply.
today is a special day, you would always be here with me and cook a bowl of noodles with 2 eggs for me, but this year is so different.
you forgotten this day, and i told you.
you left me an hongbao and you left,
money cannot replaced the love,
why don't you understand?
i don't need so much money, without you, money is meaningless.
why must you choose today to leave, to move out from here?
please take good care of yourself, take medication on time and don't overdose,
no one is there to sleep beside you, must be careful when walking alright?

why? why must you do this to me?
where did i do wrongly to make you treat me this way?
why do you encourage my love one to leave me??
did you spare a thought for me?
i know you want to see me fall, but now i'm telling you, i will not fall,
instead i would be there to see you fall!
Karma will be on you,
Gohonzoh know who's the person that contribute selflessly and don't ask for return,
Gohonzoh know who's the person with evil heart to spilt up the two love one,
to make the parties suffered.
Gohonzoh please forgive her,
she's also my respectful aunt, it's out of jealousy, i don't blame her,
please enlighten her with the right path and guide her back to the right path,
she's born with a kind heart, don't punish her and save her with all those sorrows in her family.
Help her through it, please, i pray.
Gohonzoh, punish me,
it's my fault,
i should be independent,
i should be forgiving,
i should not talk back,
i should control my temper,
i should love her instead of hating her.
Gohonzoh please punish me and don't let my aunt and grandma suffer,
grandma is my beloved one, the one i truly love,
aunt is the one who had taken care and treat me very well before,
they are my love one,
i'm the one that did not do my part, so please punish me and let them go.
my conscience is clear, Gohonzoh,
but i'm willing to take the karma.

2011-05-29T17:02:00.003+08:00

back to post again, school was so so busy!!!
project and test is on, everyday was project project project!
got to learn how to manage my time well!

My family is giving me additional burden, can't even understand what they are thinking,
sometime i feel so scared, victim became murderer, murderer became victim,
ppl is so scary, no peace, no harmony. At this moment, she can be so nice to you asking for forgiving, less than a minute, she can turn over to accuse you!
Haix, i need gohonzon to guide my family, give us the best solution and of coz give me energy, force to move on and let go!
Mum told me that i have been holding on too tightly on my grandma, so afraid to lose her leading to suffer for both of us, everytime she hope to go other place to stay, she would worry for me. everytime she leave, i would cry so badly, i have no happiness.
mum told me that it's hard to let go, but no one can be with you forever, she ask me to take strength from gohonzon to help me, help me let go slowly, at least when this day come, i would be able to accept.
but i'm so scared that once i can let go, will my grandma leave me forever?

1 year

2011-05-15T18:37:00.003+08:00

no one might rmb what happened on this date of last year,
but i rmb,
i rmb how badly i cried, how badly i force myself to accept the truth.
i rmb not going to school for a week,
i rmb not having you by my side,
it's my nightmare, my lowest peak of life.
but when i look back now, it has been a year,
the pain and the image of you is still my heart,
i always believed that you are still in this world,
i always believed that that i would see you again,
dear friend, it has been a year,
do you know how much i miss you?
all i hope is you're doing fine,
you're happier than before.

i disappear for quite some times,
and i think it abit too late to say this,
but i still want to say.
if someone happen to read this, please help me convey my message to them if you happen to see them.
QiQi, i was so envy, envy that you got the chance to have confident in yuanhui,
believing that she will be fine again,
seeing you guys make me see a mirror effect of myself,
i don't have a chance to even believe,
i don't have a chance to put my confident in her,
your friendship had moved me,
had shown me what's truth friendship.
i hope you two will stay happy always and rmb to spend time with each other before it's too late,
it's fate that bring you two to become goodfriend, treasure it! Jiayous!
my fate with malihah is short,
i got to admit but i truly treasure her with me and it leave me with no regret.

life had been busy and now i'm at the other chapter of my life!
Poly was fine but got alot of project to do, hahas!
my class was hyper and everyone is working so hard that i feel so stress,
but it was the benefit to learn with them,
you would prefer a class that is hardworking than a class that is very mischievous uh? hahas(:
update soon!

2010-12-12T13:01:00.002+08:00

For all the people that knew her:
On 27th december, we would like to pay respect to her, our beloved bestfriend.
those who are interested to go along, please let me know as soon as possible.
we chosen 27th december as it is her birthday.

2010-05-25T16:01:00.002+08:00

15-5-2010,
this is always the pain in my heart.
you have left for 10days already,
but why do my heart still feel so hurt?
feel so empty even when I'm in a crowd?
do you know how much i miss you?
do you know how much i couldn't adapt,
no matter where i go,
i would think of you,
think of those wonderful memories we had,
you never once left me so long,
where are you?
when will you be back again?
you just went for a holiday right?
朋友，你在哪里？
我好想你。
why do you bear to leave me behind?
do you know how lonely i am?
you will never know how painful i feel,
unless you are me.
the counsellor comfort me today,
she said i need time,
time to accept,
time will lesser my pain.
but will it?
we're so close,
like super glue sticking,
now you're no longer there for me,
can i be fine?

2010-05-24T14:44:00.002+08:00

i have decided to update and open up my blog again because of someone,
this special person hope that i could post.
M, can you see it?

朋友，
你在哪里？
我好想你，
你为何那么忍心抛弃我？
你的离去，让我无法接受，
让我好难过好难过，
你知道吗？

朋友，你在哪里？我好想念你。

do you know how much i miss you?
why why why?
why must you treat me this way?
do you know how sad i am?
do you know till now i couldn't get over it?
do you know how pain is my heart every moment?
i keep telling myself to be strong,
but i can't. I'm sorry.
i know you want me to smile, but i really can't.
i promise to be strong and happy,
but i really can't.
you used to be with me every single moment in school,
sticking so closing to me,
but now,
without you,
i can't feel any warmth in school.
laughter and smile on me is gone,
朋友，你在哪里？
我好想你。

where you go?

i miss you soul...

D here!

2010-01-20T21:50:00.006+08:00

An apple a day, keeps the doctor away(:

JiaXin ought to take good care of herself okay!
Health is more important than anything else(:

she's busy that's why blog so so so dead~
pardon her(:

love you(:

2010-01-02T23:45:00.004+08:00

school gonna reopen soon~
feel so restless!
but then i will jiayous for everything this year!
hahas,
hmm i have been a lousy department head that i can't fight for my department peeps.
i'm sorry to you guys,
since i take over,
afew left,
afew lose faith.
maybe i'm not doing enough for them?
but i don't have much say in board,
i tried my best to help but then it turn out to be useless.
i'm sorry.
i shall put in more enough next time,
hope the next head of welfare can do better than me:]
hmm, as for st'john,
passion of mine is slowly decreasing,
but i promised myself to pick up my passions again,
i will jiayous.
i shall not be so fierce next time,
hahas:]
hmm, studies this year was terrible,
result decreasing,
means tuition was added again:]
shall work hard hard and catch up like the past,
i need to find back the jiaxin i used to be,
and not being lazy anymore:]

D! everytime you post about me on your blog,
now it's time for me to post for you!
i love you, baby!
i will be loyal no matter what,
i hope you too ya,
1year and i will be back to who i am now,
our love is strong, i believed:]
we don't quarrel often even though we keep seeing couples quarrelled infront of usO.o
we are strong, and we will make our boat sailing to no end:]
i love you!

2009-12-27T15:12:00.003+08:00

i'm back in posting again:]
afterall, this is my diary,
there is a feeling to it:]
everything went well after that time,
i'm glad that we did not fall just because of her:]
As what joanne said,
i have to learn to be understanding,
i cannot put two things into a problem,
it two different thing.
she said that i'm not fully ready to face this path,
but i can't let go too,
therefore the only way i can do now is,
to slowly learn and accept while going through this path:]
i'm willing to take this challenge,
will you be with me?:]
i need one year from you?
that is all i asked from you for next year:]
i believed that we can do it,
i know 1 year is long,
but i will try my best to cope and balance well:]

i love you too!

2009-12-20T22:06:00.003+08:00

i'm onlined as my D ask me to online and post:]
i shall not be lazy ya:]
i'm thinking of deleting my blog sooner or later,
200 over post,
should i?
i don't wanna onlined anymore,
i don't wanna see things i don't want anymore,
cause it hurt,
it scary...
no one can understand how it feel,
it so scary than i thought of,
my heart sank at that moment,
what does it mean?
you still can't get over it?
or your feeling is still there?
i don't know,
and i don't wanna know.
the best way for me to stop all my thinking,
is to delete my blog,
and don't online anymore.
i know i am falling to your trap,
i declared that you win,
i'm scared by you.
i'm shaky by what you did,
did you get what you want by me now?
are you satisfied?
can you don't torture me anymore?
what do you want?
just tell me straight,
what i can do, i will,
i know it my fault.
my fault to do everything and make me so so sad,
but it the past,
i thought everything is settled but i guess i'm wrong.
no matter what you do,
i will never let go,
i can do anything but not letting go,
i'm sorry.
but during that period of time,
i'm also sad for 3months,
i'm also suffering,
isn't it fair already?
why are you still doing everything that hurt me?:(

2009-12-20T21:17:00.003+08:00

D here for this post(:

she went for her camp from thursday to saturday.[ don like her to go for camp! but she never fail to make me feel better(: ]
bet she's tired like hell!
she fell asleep last night, so PIG la!!!
plus she's lazy to post!
anybody, motivate to post more!!
or else her blog so dead so so so damn dead!

GoodBye!(:

last thing before i end this post,
LIMJIAXIN LOVE HER D!(:

loveyou!

2009-12-11T15:19:00.001+08:00

Love is the only bow on life's dark cloud. It is the Morning and the Evening Star. It shines upon the cradle of the babe, and sheds its radiance upon the quiet tomb. It is the Mother of Art, inspirer of poet, patriot, and philosopher. It is the air and light of every heart, builder of every home, kindler of every fire on every hearth. It was the first dream of immortality. It fills the world with melody, for music is the voice of Love. Love is the magician, the enchanter, that changes worthless things to joy, and makes right royal kings of common clay. It is the perfume of the wondrous flower—the heart—and without that sacred passion, we are less than beasts; but with it, earth and heaven are gods.
Robert GreenIngersoll

i'm stronger each day,
i'm happier each day!:)

2009-12-05T19:59:00.002+08:00

I've changed!

i realised that i am not longer the one i used to be.

maybe i'm thinking too much,

or whatever.

but ppl do change,

and i am human.

be it good or bad,

i am still me,

i'm just being strong,

being someone to protect myself,

from being hurt.

i started to build a wall between everyone,

i started to hide all my feeling to myself.

even though it so hard,

i'm still trying,

it not that i don't trust anyone,

sometimes it hard to say it out,

even to your beloved ones,

what if you said it out,

and they pretend like they care,

but deep down they don't?

there is too much this type of ppl,

it really too much,

even the one you treat them as real close friends,

when they need your help,

you won't say a no,

but when you need there help,

they give you excuses like,

i never received your text,

dunno what to reply,

phone bill burst, don't sms me.

what will you feel?

this is the main reason i make this decision.

i might be saying about you,

i know you will read it,

but this is how i feel,

this is how hurtful you have done to me,

you said that i changed,

but then is it true?

or is it the other way round?

2009-11-29T23:33:00.002+08:00

i'm back from cruise:]]]
hahas,
sisters outing was fun,
love it alot alot!
even though not all presence la:]
hahas,
cruise was fun too.
i love the sea!
the deep sea,
it so blue so nice:]
i love it!
post more next time:]

2009-11-21T19:00:00.002+08:00

A wonderful day out yst,
should i say alot alot of days.
hahas...
hmm, a good couple must be a good best friends too ya:)))
hahas...

hmm, sorry for not going to ANCO anymore.
i hoped that you guys will jiayous and endure through the camp,
you can do it!
enjoy the camp and not the result.

going off for cruise tmr,
will be back on wednesday!:)))

2009-11-18T23:32:00.003+08:00

CREDIT TO THIS MAN!

hahas,

thanks for the 2A'08 chalet!

and of coz the committee of 2A'08.

i think i am always the free loader in this chalet,

hmm, should do something for this chalet next year (if there is),

hahas as usually,

i fall asleep again.

this time round at 12.30am to 2am,

hahas,

i'm lousy,

i know.

hmm, then sms my D till 3.30am,

then zzz again,

till 6am,

then sleep again until 7am.

hmm, i bet they are outside toning while i'm inside sleeping,

very noisy outside,

hahas,

i enjoyed myself,

and of coz i love 2A'08!

have fun with them,

we do not complete, we enjoy the process!

to mrgan:

don't have to worry for me,

i'm happy!

i will post more happy stuffs on my blog uh,

hahas...

i'm happy with everything now,

i'm satisfied.

thankyou for everything you had done:)))

2009-11-14T00:30:00.002+08:00

Finally i sort things out.
thank you, Mr Gan!
thanks for everything.
spending your time helping me to sort things out,
rather than me keeping it to myself,
making me feel so stress.
finally i can pour everything out,
finally i can cried out loud,
finally i found someone that can understand.
do you know how hard to communicate with a teacher that don't understand anything and keep saying that you are over sensitive?
that why we kept everything to ourselves.
i think this is the best solutions for the time being now,
i know it wrong,
but i am sorry.
i want this friendship,
i want my friends to be safe,
i want my health condition to have improvement, i don't want to be admitted to hospital.
i might be selfish,
the consequences should be waiting for me,
but i got no choice,
please forgive me.
I'm willing to take all those consequences.

2009-11-14T00:00:00.000+08:00

EVERYTHING IS SCREWED UP!
I REGRETTED!

sister

2009-11-08T00:15:00.003+08:00

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY, SISTER!

even though we do argue,

but i love you as my sis,

you are always there to guide me.

nevertheless, protecting me,

since the day i'm born,

i'm a lucky one to have you as a sis.

even though our character and look is totally different,

but we are still nishiren shoshu's child,

we still have the same parents,

we still love each other:)

thanks for everything,

gohonzoh will protect you.

my life

2009-11-05T11:43:00.003+08:00

错进错出

Mdm de said this words to us,

错进错出.

she said that when we make a decision,

it must be the right choice,

or else you will ended up at the wrong path.

even though you made the wrong choice,

you can change your path by walking out from the wrong path,

and move back to the correct path,

but the chances or succeeding is very low,

it hard,

it reflect on me alot alot,

i need alot of courage to walk to the wrong path,

ppl scolded me silly, crazy,

knowing that it the wrong path,

i still walk towards it,

but if you asked me if i had regretted?

i can say a no!

maybe it will be only a short term of happiness,

but i would still treasure it alot,

because i know that one day,

i will walk out and move on to the correct path,

but it not now,

coz i say so...

it never the same

2009-11-02T19:05:00.004+08:00

因为太爱那个人所以变得容易小气吗？

what should i do?

can anyone tell me?

maybe jokes are meant to be in my clique.

maybe things should be meant to keep in my heart.

maybe i should disappear.

why is life so difficult to please?

or am i not done enough?

to let you know my feelings?

maybe we should all be ****** in my clique,

and we will be more happier and united.

where we start, where we end.

2009-11-01T16:32:00.002+08:00

did i made the correct move?
i'm asking myself.
maybe from the start,
i should keep it from you,
and you might not suffer like how you are now.
what is worth for holding on?
maybe it the love?
i'm asking myself to put myself in your shoe,
i would want to know the truth,
i would want to end it,
this is me,
but you are totally different from me,
stronger than what i expected.
i can't say much,
it your choice,
but i hope that you can stop dwelling and stand up straight to face this world.
you seen the true colour,
there is so many mirror around you to let you reflect,
i know it hard,
but i truly hope you would let go.
you still have me.

as for you, yes you!
you betrayed the trust i had in you,
asking me to talk to her and let you have a chance to do all those things?
you hurt me,
i not gonna ever trust you anymore.
it all so fake.
you are not afraid of karma?
your illness is a good karma for you to see, i thought?
you hurt me and her.
stop thinking that i will forgive you,
i bet i am the foolish one to believe you once and once,
and to trust and help you,
you betrayed my trust to you.
i don't care if you gonna torture me during camps,
but now i know why they did this to you,
it a right choice.
i hope you will change, but i can't see any hope in you.
you are a great disappointment to me,
i truly regretted knowing you...
a final goodbye.

224

2009-10-24T15:57:00.004+08:00

DON'T JUDGE ME!

i dunno how to start.
mood swing this whole week, i think?
sorry darling!
hmm, i cried during yesterday "cca",
i do treasure the friendship we have,
but it seems to be falling apart since we take over st'john,
if i'm given a chance again,
i would want to be cadet only.
but ya, as usual, we solved it with a smile again.
thanks, we will be best friends forever!

darling!
don't feel jealous or sensitive,
you are the only one i love,
no one can tear us apart,
trust me.
i never blame you for anything,
as long as you are there,
i'm happy le,
won't ask for more.
i won't care how ppl look at us,
i'm always waiting for you.
so ya, jiayous!
we are who we are,
am i right?

i lost all hopes

2009-10-12T21:11:00.003+08:00

i'm trying to face the reality.

telling myself hard that nothing will not last,

no point putting so much hope in it,

causing a deep cut again in me.

i am telling myself hard that i am alright,

i am telling myself hard that i am happy,

i am telling myself hard that i am fine.

no one will ever know how i feel,

you think hurting someone is easy?

i can say yes!

but after that it gonna be hard for you.

i have become a person that keep everything to myself,

a person that is not me anyone,

a person that will only smile and say happy stuff.

everything will be kept to me myself,

no one else will have that pair of key to my heart,

coz the key is lost,

i throw it away.

i throw the hope away,

i throw the trust away,

i throw everything that don't belong to me.

i always wanted to talk to someone,

but no one understand nor willing to listen,

coz you guy will just say,

you made the decision yourself.

from that on,

i shall keep quiet...

loves

2009-10-10T12:10:00.004+08:00

Exams are finally over!
ANCO is coming!
excited?
dunno lehh, hahas!
why why must it be in our school?
i pray hard it in our school last year,
but this year i don't pray hard,
maybe it karma!
hmm, just accept it and and have fun!
hahas.......
japan trip next week!:):(

Great day yesterday!
thanks thanks retarded!
me super happy!(:(:(:(:(:
hope it will last.....
hahas....
jiayous!
“Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.”~ James Allen

unpredictable

2009-10-03T16:17:00.002+08:00

between one another, you need trust.
be it in friendship, your relationship with your family or even in a relationship,
everything need trust.
once the trust is broken,
everything is gone.
nothing can be done to built back the trust.
so once you get the trust,
treasure it and hold it tight,
before it is gone.
forgiven is always given,
but it doesn't mean trust will be given too,
it 2 different thing,
no matter how hard you do,
trust will not be back.

deep down in my heart,
i did forgive what you had done,
but trust is not back yet,
and i bet it never gonna be back.
i can see your effort,
i can see your hard work.
but once it broken,
it will never be back to what it use to be like.
maybe i'm the only one who remember what you had done,
i'm sorry.
i can't help it to feel this way.
once done is done,
it will never be back to normal.
i assure you......

2009-09-22T23:06:00.000+08:00

are you or not?

bestpartner

2009-09-15T22:25:00.006+08:00

DEFINE FRIENDSHIP!

AYG (smile:P)
i love this smile-bestpartner

can we be like this forever?
i want to be your best partner forever, can?

please maintain this way!

Question?

"Disappointment is inevitable.

what is true friend? define it.

its silence. i can't say anything much also.

betrayal, back stabbing. I've seen too much.

motives, that's why people get close to you."

Answer!

True friends?

if one betrayal there are not true friends,

they are only companion.

motive,

they are not true friends not companion but a person on task.

disappointment,

it's when one put their thought, heart, mind and soul for something.

they try all means to make this friendship a phenomenon.

but still, for we are who we are,

we have the power to allow ourself to stand up once again.

remember, it's all up here in your heart and mind.

have an optimistic heart and nothing can stops you.

Bestpartner:

we knew each other when we are sec 1,

we get close because of st'john and 11main sisters.

from sec 1 till now, no matter what courses it is,

when we work together hand in hand,

we will get a good result,

never once fail.

just say about the civil defence course,

we went up,

you are my casualty,

after that?

we got the first! (9/10)marks,

we make yuying proud even though 3 of us attended the course only.

BFA, BHN, heart saver, BNCO, Competition......

we never fail.

we are in the same higher mother tongue class,

we often use that period to talk,

and we will laugh out loud like nobody business.

i miss those days,

when you went home together,

have breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper together.

we wear the same shirt, short, shoes and even the same bag.

i miss i miss i miss!

nothing can break us apart,

we promised!

remember?

please stay strong, my bestpartner,

your lousygirl is sad seeing you this way,

let face it together,

can we?
i need you to be there for me,

i need you laughter to be my pillar of strength.

your lousygirl is sad seeing you this way,

your lousygirl is always here supporting you,

your lousygirl don't mind letting you lean upon on her.

"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow ~ Don't walk behind me, I may not lead ~ Just walk beside me and be my friend."-unknown

my feelings

2009-09-08T22:23:00.004+08:00

last saturday was fine:]
congrats to those getting their chief commissioner or commissioner badge uh:]
and of coz i thanks david cheng sir encouragement to me when i take the certificate and badge.
i will jiayous:]
shie jiun!!!,
don't worry, you will get what you deserved soon:]
trust me, and rmb,
it the passion that keep you on going, and no those ranks or badges:]
you super bad la,
say wanna talk to me after the ceremony then you leave earlier!!!! tsk!
see you on the next public duty ya:]
sorry to miss the NDP'09 public duty!

this year BNCO and ANCO will be held in YYSS,
i dunno if it was a good news anot,
to me,
i'm thinking hard, everyone ask me to go for it,
to step out my comfort zone.
when you had already passed the BNCO,
which is a compulsory for a cadet,
will you still go for ANCO,
when it is not compulsory?
go there to get torture again,
gone through all those tough training.
do i have the courage to overcome my fear again for ANCO?
or do i want to remain as SGT for my 4years down cca.
i'm not ready,
mr johnny tan was right,
if i never try, i will never know.
but i'm just a human,
why must i do what i hate the most?
i need more time to decide,
i hope mrs mahinda won't force us to give a answer now,
i pray hard, Gohonzoh!
please give me some wisdom:]

i have no emotion anymore.
i laugh when i'm happy,
i laugh when i'm sad.
i laugh when i wanna cry.
maybe i am just hiding my emotion from others,
but most people had seen through it.
joanne was right,
you will never kill the person that bring you stronger,
even for the person you love.

2009-09-04T22:42:00.003+08:00

a tiring friday again!

today lesson was fine,

gonna die coz alot of homeworks was given!!!!

hahas,

i'm reading novels right now:]

hmm, a meeting with mrs mahinda regarding some st'john thingy,

and after that was alumi-students council ex-co dialogue.

quite okay, at first alot misunderstanding,

but it was fine afterall:]

我一直告诉自己要对你有信心，

我一定能做到！

my heart is numb long ago!

another day

2009-09-03T20:32:00.003+08:00

hmm, schools was fun today:]
i was being bullied by ALISTAR PEH! hahas, had fun with him in science lab today,
i'm wondering if i am lucky or unlucky to have him as my partner for chemistry,
hahas:]
after school was biology practical!!!
quite fun, dissecting a sheep's HEART!!!!
quite disgusting and smelly,
but the structure inside was cool:]
hahas:]

i'm feeling really happy now, with you along!
don't leave, k?

2009-09-02T22:19:00.003+08:00

The essential ingredients for relationship are affection and commitment.
~ Robert A Johnson

i'm numb

2009-09-01T11:28:00.002+08:00

i'm lost.
who am i to you?
i'm wondering.
your darling,
or an outsider?

you made me feel so disappointed.
i don't know who to trust anymore.
you break the trust in me to you.

maybe from the start i had made the wrong choice,
i should have told you my feeling before you and her are together,
and you will reject it totally,
and now we won't be suffering.
i bet i had already overcome it long time ago.( am i lying to myself?)

i'm glad that you are honest to me,
you told me everything.
but i found out something...
if she didn't post, will you still tell me?
or will you keep it from me.

am i so unreasonable to you?
did i stop you from meeting her?
maybe in your heart i am.
i feel so hurt that when she post it out then you tell me everything, so it she didn't post, i bet you will just treat it as nothing happen. i'm super disappointed.

i'm numb now.
i'm gonna treat nothing happen.
i'm gonna be cheerful like how i used to be.
i'm gonna pretend i'm fine.
i'm not gonna show you my emotion anymore,
continue to hurt me as you like.
i will always forced a smile to you,
pretend i am fine,
not telling you my feelings anymore.
i will cried like nobody business in my heart or in the dark where i'm alone.
you hurt me too deep,
i'm sorry.

what should i do?

2009-08-30T22:31:00.002+08:00

let the test decide everything.
seriously, i feel like crying it out loud!
too much thing to think of carefully.
i had hurt a girl deeply in heart,
i hope i won't hurt anyone anymore.
if i let go,
will you be happier to go back to her?
i don't know.
will she be happy?
i don't know.
who you really want to be with?
i don't know.
everyone deserved a chance, isn't it?
will i be happier?
i don't know,
being kind-hearted is it wrong?
i wonder sometimes.
what should i do?
you said you want a chance from me,
you said no matter what,
you won't give up.
i am really lost.
be sad to let 2 happy 1suffer?
be happy and let 3 suffers?

2009-08-30T00:19:00.002+08:00

KOREA NO.6! oh my goodness, so cool la! hahas:] enjoyed this picture:]

love

2009-08-29T21:33:00.002+08:00

it my 200 posts! hahas:]
seriously seeing your friends around you suffer, it suck!
please be happy like how i do,
be positive like how i always do,
and of coz smile like i always did:]
in life, there isn't anything that can't be solve,
it you who determine if you want it to be solved,
if you doesn't want, there nothing others can do!
JIAYOUS!

hmm, the sentence DJ said is always in my mind,
is it really true?
will it really don't last?
it will only give you a moment of happiness, and not forever?
darling pig, didn't say anything.
seriously, i do not know what to say,
everything is in my heart,
i understand everything,
the time we had,
the sweet sweet moments we had,
and that is enough, isn't it?
there no one i can turn to that understand how i really feel,
that why sometimes i chose to keep it to myself.
we will last for others to see, will we?

seriously, i'm tired. i do not know am i gonna go on? you know that my ****** is getting worst, that why i chose to let go, but you hold on to me tightly, and said you love me alot alot.
i love all those moments with you but i know that when i get something, i will surely lose something, you will never get both. i'm always jealous so easier, i hope you won't mind uh. i scared that i can't hold on to you anymore, i'm scared. i know you love me alot but when you love me even deeper, i feel so scared. i scared that i will hurt you, you will hate me just like how you hate her now. i admit i love you, but we are not meant to be together, i snatched you from her, now that we had the joy, it enough for my memories and it time for you to go back to her or else i will hurt her alot alot. she need you like how i do but i can't give you anything, only she can. time is against time to me, so please go now or else it gonna be hard for you. remember this that, i love you, and you will be the last. you are the one that i took initiative, someone that all sweets sweets words can just shot out to you, but the wonderful memories is really enough, really. darling pig, i love you!

nothing is a joke, when your life is at risk!
expect the unexpected, go for the extreme, serve the dignity.
we're the life-saver!

2009-08-23T00:29:00.003+08:00

I'm crazy over this Korea No.6 guy in the AYG basketball boy team. i miss those days that i skipped school and went for AYG, i miss those days with Stephannie, my teacher LOs. i miss my athletes team, the instructors, team doctor and so.... i miss them! wondering how's Nicole now? very worry for her. girl, be strong like me uh, I'm fine, i am:]
remember that i am your lousy plus lover girl ya, hahas:] and we are twin, i love the wallet alot alot, hahas. don't worry be happy girl, hahas:]

today i'm really very happy,
i don't know why,
i learnt not to force thing to take place,
but to step back,
and the world is really beautiful.
i love everything around me,
but time is against time.
i need you, i need you,
i'm glad that we become stronger each day,
and i appreciated to have you with me each day,
thankyou beloved pig!

2009-08-16T02:34:00.002+08:00

It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, "Always do what you are afraid to do."Ralph Waldo Emerson

do i have the courage to do?
do i have the determine to wait?
hmm, all this question are in mind everyday,
but i told myself to be supportive,
to be selfish,
to have the trust in you.
will life without you be the same like the past?
can i really let you go to her?
i am thinking hard
even though i always ask you to go back to her.
i'm sorry for not seeking your opinion!
i shall not anyhow think:]

i'm jealous

2009-08-14T23:52:00.004+08:00

I'm jealous!

At first, i was really jealous,
that why my words seem to be harsh,
but this showed that i care you,
isn't it?
we are like quarrelling over the same old matter every time,
the same old problem,
sometime it tiring,
but you're the one who are holding me on,
giving in to my nonsense,
my passive every time.
i feel so guilty at times,
i should have trusted you from the beginning,
but just feel unsafe.
sometimes i do feel like,
why not just speak the truth to her,
but ya,
we should care for her feeling,
so just let it be ba,
drag and drag till you can really let go.
i just need time,
so do you,
I'm willing to give,
coz i know you're there for me:]
I love and need you in my life, say you love me too and it will be enough for me:]

give up or not

2009-08-08T23:53:00.002+08:00

i do not know if i should post anot,
so this will be the solution.
i'm gonna challenges myself.
i bet it will be a sleepless night again.
you asked me what the real meaning of selfish,
i shall tell you this,
selfish to me mean that grabbing something tightly
and wouldn't let go,
when it not yours at all.
straightened out my thought?
yes, i did!
seeing her post make me think that she is fine,
make me think that she needs you,
make me think that it still the best for you to go back,
make me think that everyone will be happier
if you chose to go back.
without you, my life still go on,
her without you, equal to the end of the world,
so make a wise choice.
i'm stronger than her,
i can accept it,
don't have to worry.
i really feel bad to see her this way,
i'm sorry.

canireallytakeit,amistrong,ibetnope.i'mjustactingasonecauseireallyfeelveryguilty,iwastheonewho
thetwoup,solosingyouiswhatideserved,thememoriesyougivenmeisthebestalready,gobacktoheris
thechoiceyouareleftwith.iamselfishiknow,ithinkofleavingyouafterthisweek,butcani?canireallyputdown,whatwillmylifebewithoutyou,withoutyoursms.williadapttoitorcrysobadly,i'm
numb,i'm.i'llnotgiveyoupressureanything,imustlearntostandupmyselfagain,butcani?idunno,i'mstilltryinghard.she'llbethebestforyouafterall.youronesentence"iloveyou"already,
meltedmyheart,butitjustnotrighttosnatchyouawayfromher,i'msorry.letthisendwithasmile,a
beautifulending,eventhoughyou'rethefirstoneisaidiloveyou,thefirstoneitookinitiative,butwhenit
havetoend,iwon'thesitate,causethememoriesisenoughforme.idon'twantyoutohavekarmalikemy
daughter,iwanttoseeahappyyou,thatall.ifichosetoleaveyou,idunnoifican,idunnodoihavethecourage
butireallydon'tknowwhattodoalready,steppingbackforyoutogobacktoherwillbethebestwayya,i'll
behappier,thefeelingtoyouisthere,thelovetoyouisthere,thejoytoyouisthere,thememoriestoyouis
there,butidon'thavetohaveyouwithme,youoftensayihappyyouhappy,ismileyousmile,sonowigonna
tellyou,i'llbehappytoseeyougoingbacktoher,soyou'llbehappyya.i'llsmiletoseeyouleave,soyou'll
smiletoleaveya,pigiloveyou,thisisthelasttimeigonnasaythis.beindependent,haveyourowndecision
andcommentya,withoutmeibelievedthatyou'llstillbehappylikethepast.

tears

2009-08-08T15:00:00.006+08:00

"Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it is better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together."

this road seems to be never ending,
everyone is hurt here and there,
tears are so common,
afraid and scared is everywhere,
crying is just like an normal routine,
but i have faith in you.
i trusted you so much,
to believe that you'll give me the best,
holding on tightly with me,
althought you always made me cry.
with all your reply that seems to be so unsafe,
which i might lose you anytime,
but i still hold on tightly everyday,
cause i know you won't let go of me.
i just want to be selfish once,
but sometime my character do not allow me to do so,
and it might seems that i giving you pressure,
i'm sorry,
i just too afraid that one day when i'm awake,
you're gone,
you're not with me anyone.
asking you to leave me last night,
it took me alot of courage.
i know i'm sorry to her,
but i really really can't let go,
so do her,
i won't force you anymore,
you decide yourself,
what you want,
you can't be selfish,
you can only chose one,
she or me.
those memories is enough for me to stand up on my feet again!
but she needs you so do i.

2009-08-08T00:39:00.005+08:00

i wanna be the coconut tree standing beside you,
giving you all the support,
guiding you the path to go towards,
brighten up your day every single day,
be with you when you need me,
seeing your smile on your face every single day,
cracking lame jokes with you.
i love all those midnight calls,
i love all the wonderful sms,
i love the day out,
i love all the msn chat,
i love i love i love.
please, i hope it remain this way,
cause you are someone i depend to,
someone i lean alot towards,
someone that is the reason for my smile,
someone that i first and last talk to everyday,
someone someone someone.
you made me strong,
you made me feel great everyday,
you made me go crazy with you,
you made you made you made.
your position in my heart will not be taken away, i promised!

我的心很痛，很痛！对不起！也许我的自私带给你很多悲伤。

2009-08-08T00:29:00.005+08:00

seriously, i really dunno what to say, i'm afraid.
i'm afraid to lose you again,
i know i shouldn't think this way but i can't.
the fear in me is making me so insecure,
seeing her this way,
i really don't know what to do,
seeing you so sad,
make me feel really damm bad,
how i wish,
all this thing don't happen,
everything goes back to the past,
i rather suffer than seeing you all this way.
i'm sorry to her, i'm!

2009-08-06T21:17:00.003+08:00

Hmm, some pig asked me to update , so ya, I'm here to update okay!
seriously i don't know what to update la,
feel so speechless!
daughter! stay strong, mame is always supporting you! i don't want to lose you, i don't want!
she needs you, please be there!

as for my pig!
life is never easy,
since you had made the decision
i can only support you
even though i feel guilty
even though i feel sad,
but i know i have you to be with me,
let hope time can heal everything,
let strength and courage to be with us
you have to be strong
so do i :]

1 post returned

2009-07-24T21:35:00.005+08:00

Adrienne Rich: Lying is done with words and also with silence.

seriously when you found out the truth yourself, it hurt!
when you trusted the person so much,
yet this was what you get in returned,
it hurt!
someone once told me this,
no matter what i do, i should not let my feeling affect me,
therefore during cca, even how unhappy i am on that day,
i will never show it out to my juniors,
i still carrying on, move on,
keeping all those feeling inside of me,
not to let others know how i felt,
and this will be a good leader.
but after cca,
everything was back to the starting point.
the whole day, i am super blur,
when someone was talking to me,
i was like not listening at all,
我很烦！
when the truth is out,
it will never be a good ending.
maybe i shouldn't trust you too much!
or should i say i am dumb?
maybe ya, i won't know!

menghui: girl, stay strong! remember what i said ya, never let your mood affect you in doing what you should. i know it hard but please stay strong, you will go through it!

to my juniors(year 1 & 2)
please study your first aid notes, everything! i will be giving you guys a test next next week, this test is not gonna be so easy, it will take up 1hour therefore in order to pass this test, the only way is to study, the test consist of 100mark! so jiayous uh, and year 2 there will be a first aid scene (practical) on that day too. i am not cruel ya, i just want to have a better idea of what does you all know, so that i can use it as a guide to teach. for year 1 it will be a CPR practical test, i want the standard ya, so study hard! spread around to your friends if you see this, i not gonna tell anyone, if you are going to be so selfish then i am sorry, your friends suffer ya, and please do not ask me question like can we don't have the test, coz the answer will be no, learn EVERYTHING, all the notes! anything you guys don't understand can ask me but provided not those stupid question uh.

2009-07-23T21:06:00.003+08:00

"I’m going to smile and make you think I’m happy, I’m going to laugh, so you don’t see me cry, I’m going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me- I’m going to smile" by unknown.

life is just this way ya, every smile is just fake,
but be it a real or fake, it still a smile!
i am totally speechless,
心里很烦却又不能说!
seriously, i have my reason for what i am doing,
if you don't even trust me then tell me straight,
i will wash my hands off.
i'm tired of everything that keep on happening,
it happened again and again,
it the same thing that happen all the time.
am i so lousy?

i am utterly disappointed by you,
you are always lying to me,
yet i just pretend i am dumb!
i'm sad!
i'm speechless to you,
everything is just a lie ba.

eh, return you the 2nd post le hor!

2009-07-20T21:11:00.003+08:00

hmm, today lesson was okay la except PE!!!! super pissed off by something la!
all of you are leaders but your action is super childish! spare a thought for that girl's feeling, please! she is not your toy to fool around, you all are just too much that i think that you are not fit to be a leader! okay i should stop le uh!

i went to meet him after school, i am lost by the words he said,
i am sorry to blame everything at you at first,
stay strong! please don't go ya!
time will be the best for everything but i know you are wondering if you can,
believe me you can! you can!

oh gosh, i miss my family especially my ahma, she not feeling well! i hope you are fine! be back soon, super quiet staying alone at home with sister.

ahh, i owe someone 5posts for dunno what reason la,
shit you la! i returned you 1post le hor!
and please uh, study!
am i really happy? hahas, don't ask me, i dunno how to answer you:(
you better post too hor! or else i whack your butt(opps!)
有些事情不说出来比较好！
i must sleep! or else cannot wake up, i gonna owe someone more posts, hahas!
where my morning call? hahas, jkjk!
your quote of the day" to succeed... you need to find something to hold on to, something to motivate you, something to inspire you" by tony dorsett.
what is the thing that make me hold on, motivate and inspire? hmm, dunno la, let me think first......

it gone!

2009-07-19T15:07:00.004+08:00

"The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up." Paul Valery

i learnt to stay strong, i learnt to be positive.
sometime when it does not belong to me, i shall let go,
holding on is never easy, it take alot of courage and hope.
it tiring, holding on to it which does not belong to you, why not let it go.

oh gosh, cca resume next week,
teaching BFA is never easy,
i will try my best, hahas.

nicolesim! stay strong! all of us are waiting for you at the end of your race, don't keep us waiting! you should understand what i mean! jiayous! it never easy after all!

"The more alternatives, the more difficult the choice" abbe D'Allanival.
this is for you ya! i bet you know what i mean. jiayous ba!
at least i am still better, i can write out how i felt,
but you can't. sorry!

2009-07-17T19:35:00.002+08:00

hmm, this week seem to pass so fast,
and alot of thing happened,
seem to be complicated but it not!
coz there are always someone giving in,
there are always someone being so understanding,
that why it solved(?)
i don't know if it is so,
but ya, happy can le!
i bet this is the best.

alot of homework this week,
so sick la,
but it okay,
i shall do finish everything!

2009-07-16T20:20:00.001+08:00

我不知道这样做对不对，但我尽力了！

2009-07-16T18:13:00.003+08:00

i got alot to say, i know you will read. but it okay, i don't want to keep things from you. it 4days from that day, i still couldn't let go, i dunno why, maybe i am insane, i ask for it yet i can't let go.
you told me that "love is selfish" but what can i do? it my character, i don't feel good at all after telling you. i am really sad and lost, i used to have a pig with me all the times, sharing sorrows and laughter with me, but now my pig is gone, my pig had die in my heart, can you find my pig back for me? coz i need my pig alot! i am hurt by reply by speechless, i don't know. i am not avoiding you but now it you. do you know how much courage i take from the beginning? do you know how much courage i take to give up? do you know how much courage i take to face the fact? i thought you will be there supporting me, but you make me really disappointed, i don't wish to see you this way, i know i hurt you, i know i am selfish, but isn't this the best? even though how much i wish it to be like the past, how i wish you to tell me you don't want to give up, how i wish you to tell me not to let you go, but i bet this won't happened,the word "little", the sentence"provided not hurting her" will be with me all the time coz it hurt me too much. i seriously don't know what to do, i need you but i know i have to give up, but i am really happy those few days, how i wish to delete everything that happened since Monday, and carry on like the past, i bet i am thinking too much, but seeing you feeling so hurt yet acting to be happy and smile, i really 很心痛! please, i beg you, please be cheerful again, i don't have so great power to make you this way, i am a bad girl, a bad bad girl, that all i know. i am sorry to hurt you, i don't mean it, but i know it will never go back to the past, even though how i want this to happen. stay strong, pig! i want you to be cheerful, i want! please come back to me, coz i need you! without you my life is really miserable, i hate it to be this way but at the end, i couldn't let go coz i need you! but at least i am touched that you will sms me!
我不知道这么做对不对，我后悔了！我真的需要你，可是我知道是不可能的但我真的放不下。
原来没有你是那么痛苦的，这一切能够回到从前吗？我没有勇气面对你，对不起！我可能伤害了你但我也和你一样那么痛苦。

2009-07-13T21:34:00.004+08:00

"If you love something let it go, if it comes back to you it's your, if it doesn't, it never was"
i am speechless,
i am!
you will never know how i felt,
the insecure, the guilty is always with me all the time,
my conscience is telling me to "let go, let go, let go" every minutes every seconds.
all i know is i have to let go,
i have to, coz i don't want to be hurt anyone,
i tell myself to be selfish but i really can't.
i am really happy these few days, thanks!
it all ended(13-07-09, 9:45pm)
i am sorry.
i lost to my conscience,
i lost,
coz i really can't take it anymore,
what if one day she knew it?
what are you going to do?
leave me?
i don't want this to happen,
i am sorry,
but i still love you that why i chose to let go,
maybe if one day you had settle everything,
you can find me?
or maybe i don't love you anymore.(possible?)
i am sorry,
it hard for me, but i will be strong,
i cried but i will be brave,
don't worry,
those sweet memories will be with me all the time,
thanks for everything!
my nightmare is here,
my sweet dream is gone,
i am back to the reality again,
i am all by myself again,
you are gone!
i will miss you!

2009-07-12T21:33:00.004+08:00

to my dearest BP(best partner),

i know it hard to go on,

i know it hard to let go,

i know it hard to accept the fact,

i know it hard to stay strong,

i know it hard to face the fact,

i know it hard to stand up again,

but girl,

life is this way,

it never fair,

i understand your pain,

i understand your feeling.

i am struggling too,

i am unstable too.

but i learnt to let go,

i learnt to be strong.

sometime i think that i should let go,

coz i don't know how long will it last?

1 day? 2 days? 1 week? 2 weeks?

but i truly treasure the time with you,

coz at least i am happy,

but i felt so insecure,

i know one day it will end,

you will be back to her again.

i will face the fact bravely,

but now, i treasure the hours, the minutes, the seconds with you,

i don't ask for more,

coz i know you will be gone one day,

or maybe one day i found out that i don't love you anymore?(impossible)

so treasure it,

coz the memories will be with me forever,

i will stay strong and always be so happy like these few days:]

2009-07-11T22:51:00.007+08:00

"I never wanted you to leave,
I wanted you to stay here holding me.
I miss you, i miss your smile.
And i still shed a tear,
Every once in a while.
And even though its different now,
You're still here somehow.
My heart won't let you go,
And i need you to know.
I miss you!"

Every morning when there is someone
giving you a morning message,
it so sweet,
it brighten up your day,
i felt so happy,
i love it:]
I never expect this to happen, i never.
even though sometime i know it wrong,
i shouldn't be so selfish
but i can't let go,
i need you! i love you!
but i am guilty,
i love what i had now,
i really do treasure,
seeing you being happy,
i will smile,
i don't need anything to change,
i just want it to remain this way.
coz i'm scared to get hurt again.
coz i am happy of what i have now.
i am really happy,
i really do!
but will it be a dream?
will everything remain the same when i wake up tomorrow?
i trust you,
i really do,
you will give me your promise ya,
but i am guilty afterall. (i'm sorry to her)
I MISS YOU!

2009-07-10T22:16:00.005+08:00

this picture was the athletics team, team leader/doctor, teachers/students LOs that i was in charge of, finally get all the photos:] thanks Stephanie, my teacher LOs for your CD and notes, thanks for all these while. i miss those days, i miss them, today went for the appreciation dinner but actually is not dinner but concert, lame la, lied to all of us, we never watch the concert at the end, we just get our gift and off we go to enjoy life:] i love the FRASIA(the lion of AYG) they gave me, will post the picture soon ya:] they said we are in charge of Africa next year, sobsob, cry liao la, i want Nepal! i really miss them, time passed so fast, hahas:P I'm happy today, thanks!

"while no road is straight, persistence and dedication will always lead to your dreams"
我是一个很容易满足的女孩，
今天我真的很开心，
我们又回到了从前，
谢谢你！

2009-07-09T23:14:00.004+08:00

it like so long since i update my blog again, i am busy doing homeworks and study!
oh gosh i need to catch up alot! i must run faster ya, hahas:] and this picture was me with the teamleader and the nepal basketball boy team, hahas, they are so tired coz it after their match:]
i miss them! hahas:] will update more next time ya:] i am happy, i am! so don't worry ya.

sometime i thought i can let go,
you told me that i am the one avoiding you,
but you don't mind,
i didn't knew it until you say this to me,
and indeed i realised i have been avoiding you,
maybe i am scared to face you,
i don't know.
you said you want us to be like the past,
is it possible?
will it be like last time again?
sometime, i feel that you are lying to me,
but i don't know,
do you know it hurt?
you said i can always go to you,
you said you need me,
i am someone you can talk to only,
but i am scared, what can i do?
what if one day i am not there anymore?
i am worried,
reb was right,
i deserved what i get,
from the start, i shouldn't be this way,
that person is in honeymoon period,
and left me alone suffering,
i deserved it,
i can't blame anyone for it but myself.
to you:
she love you alot, really!
from her blog, i can see,
treat her well ya,
i am fine,
i will be strong,
promise me to love her
and be nice to her ya.
i will try to be like the past.

2009-07-03T22:45:00.003+08:00

sometime i just felt so insecure,
i am so scared,
i can't feel what is the feeling of scared anymore.
you told me that,
i still got you,
you told me that,
you will help me,
you told me that,
we can still be the same as last time,
do you know,
you are making me even more crazy?
making me can't let go,
i told you i am strong,
i told you i will overcome,
but is it true?
i don't know,
maybe i just don't wish to see everything to get worse.
when you said,
i will be the second last person you going to hurt,
what does this mean?
i couldn't understand,
the feeling is hurt,
it hurt!
but do you know?
i thought that,
after letting you know everything,
everything will change,
but it didn't turn out to be what i am thinking,
but it went back to the past again,
why must you be so nice?
why?
making me can't stop myself from.......
ahhh, should i say i am stupid?
waiting for something that will never happen?
oh gosh, why will i became this way?
i need light to bring me back.
i don't wish to hurt anyone!
please let me in my wonderland,
don't wake me up,
please!

2009-07-01T21:48:00.002+08:00

oh gosh, i actually tell you everything today!
is it the right choice?
will i regret?
i am so scared now, i am!
what will happened to us?
will everything be the same?
i am scared!
i don't want to lose you,
i really don't want!
every time i said i hate you,
but actually is i love you!
oh gosh, nope,
i promised myself not to be 3rd party,
and i will not be!
i already give up le,
so ya, don't take it to heart.
i still want you in my life,
my best friend!

2009-06-29T22:04:00.005+08:00

"Choose the one that love you more than you love him/her." by jessicassy.

this quote is meaningful to me, maybe all this while i have make the wrong choice, it time i U-turn and look things in different way uh, will it be better?
will i still suffer? i bet no uh, but will i be happy with the person i don't like or love at all? if i could not get to be with the person i love why not i let other be happy instead of all of us get hurt? i know your feeling is still there, i know, but i am afraid that i hurt you, i don't love you, i am sorry. maybe i still couldn't accept to be with a person where i don't even love him.

you are the one who given me hope, telling me that there is a big rainbow in my life, promise me that you will be with me but what now? you lier! i hate you! do you know i hurt i was, i bet this is the first time i am this way, all thanks to you uh all thanks to you! because of you, i did something which i know i can't do it, but sorry, i really can't get a hell stop on it. i tried to find other ways but it just can't help at all, i hate it! what do i become this way? why? didn't i should be walking the correct way but why there are you there, leading me to the wrong way making me suffering, from the start i shouldn't be there for you and today it might be different story uh, seeing you so happy now and i have to continue acting like i don't know anything and go round and round with you, it hurt! if i don't get to see you, no need to talk to you, no need to sms you, no need to go out with you, i think it will be better uh? but i know this won't happen, today when i saw you, my heart really sink to the bottom, i am speechless, i don't wish to see you, coz everytime i tell myself to be strong and face you and even forget about you, but when i see you standing infront of me, joking with me, i know i can't let go, why? why must you appear infront of me every time my mind is set, do you really want me to scold you off then you can't stop appearing infront of me? i hate you! can you simply find a life and get off my life but will i bear? i don't know, i am sorry, i know you don't wish to see me this way but i can't control my emotion, my feeling, it sucks!

2009-06-28T18:08:00.005+08:00

it just a lie!

i thought i will be fine,
i thought i will be who i am again,
i thought you will know,
i thought you will be understanding,
i thought i thought i thought!
do you know how much i hate you?
do you know how much i have pretend everyday?
do you know how much hurt you created for me?
do you know how much i trusted you?
you make me feel sensitive to the everything,
when i heard that word,
i just can't control myself.
i will learn not to lean upon you anymore.

sorry if i never reply your message,
i just simply got no mood,
i am sorry.

2009-06-27T20:20:00.008+08:00

this picture described how i feel now,
i am in pain.
i am scared.
i am hopeless.
should i say i am lucky for not saying it out?
or should i say i am stupid?
it all happened that day,
that day, i hate it,
why must i agreed?
why must you wake me up at my wonderland.
why must you be so cruel?
it was my first time encountering all this,
i thought i can accept,
but i can't.
i must still pretend that i am positive,
i am happy,
i am fine,
but do you really know how i feel?
i think no uh.
why can't i be selfish for once,
why?
what wrong with me?
is being selfish so hard for me?
or do i just want to suffer alone?
what am i thinking?
i don't know.
all i know is i am hurt,
I HATE YOU!
you make me so sensitive to the name .......
you make me cry like nobody business,
I HATE YOU!
you make my eyes swollen,
you make me confuse,
why did i done wrong to deserve this?
I HATE YOU!
but do i really hate you?
you gave me joy in my life,
but now?
you took it off,
and i have to pretend nothing happen,
and go on life with you,
can i let go?
what if i tell you the truth?
what will happen?
will it still be the same?
i don't know,
I HATE YOU!
please don't show me the picture of ......,
and the say the name......
to me anymore,
i tried my best to stay strong,
to forget you,
but i know it will take time,
can you don't appear in front of me?
can you don't make my life difficult?
can everything start again?
can we be stranger from now on?

I CRIED, I CRIED, I CRIED!
I HATE YOU!
YOU MAKE MY EYES SWOLLEN!
WILL I LET GO?

2009-06-27T00:01:00.000+08:00

I WILL BE STRONG AND OVERCOME!

2009-06-25T22:59:00.002+08:00

reply tags:
hisyam: is the fact? hahas....
menghui: add me on msn, i send to you:]
stephen: nice day mehh? i thought is nice to me bad to you? asked you to let me be happy for a day then ended up?
weiting: i hope there will be another chance:] next time you can still join us:]
naka: relink:)
birthday wishes: thankyou, i enjoyed myself but lazy to post uhs.
asyura: linked:]
syulynn: linked:]
ben(1A): very bad uhs, i not fake lor, i am real:P
guowei: changed liao la, so bad, i am still young okay:P
zhiling: leave you URL for your blog for me:) and i am not from 1D but 1B:)
wedia: hahas, you will see then uhs:)
DJ: knowing that you are fine, i am glad, hahas. must be okay hor, or else i will be :( , remember that i am always there, <3!

2009-06-25T22:20:00.003+08:00

JUNIORS: GO FOR IT MAN!

i had tried my best to teach, it all yours now:]
went down to teach cadet home nursing as they couldn't understand what the instructors taught there.
i agreed with them la, they really need improvement in their teaching, so i decided to teach my cadet myself as i don't wish to see them fail.
i might not be the best but i tried my best.
jiayous uhs, don't waste my effort:]
i love you guys just like how i love my welfare department, so don't have to think that i bias, i am fair.
maybe i had punished you guys today but i still love you guys alot.
rest well and study hard! your hard work will pay off!
JIAYOUS! GO, GO GO......

i got alot to say but i know i can't.
i got no courage to say it out,
i am afraid,
i am scared.
what if you know about it?
what will be your reaction?
will it still be the same?
or everything will changed?
should i say?
my courage lack,
i am sorry.

2009-06-21T19:33:00.002+08:00

i went to take a look at the singapore-malaysia first-aid cum footdrill competition for 2009. oh my goodness, now i know how tiny we are, i get a chance to see different cases of injury, hmm, i bet i don't even know how to treat them, must reflect liao. but all the scene is damm real, their standard also very good, they deserved to won the champion unlike us, we thought we put in effort but actually they put in more effort than us. opps, sorry WQ and NS but waiting for me for so long, sorry sorry, overslept. down for lunch at kobayashi at kovan and chungyang sir gave us a ride to school to watch the band investiture, hahas, congrats all of you uhs. and and thanks chungyang sir for giving all of us a ride home, thanks:)

2009-06-21T19:15:00.003+08:00

ST'JOHN BBQ(20-6-09)

hmm, i have fun too but we don't really bond together, didn't get the chance to talk to the seniors. but but thanks all of them to celebrate my birthday especially WQ, NS and REB. thanks. but i had fun with the juniors, hahas. and and thanks chungyang sir, thanks for your song, very nice ya, hahas and and of coz your ride for today and yesterday and and your treat for our drinks and cake, you are just so nice. thanks:) malihah! bad bad leave so early uh! whack your butt uh!

I LOVE ST'JOHN! i bet i am very lucky too!

2009-06-21T18:08:00.011+08:00

18June (WELFARE BBQ)

everything went well, we had lots of fun:) even though i did not get full attendance but this time round it strictly welfare ppl only, it is to let me understand them better and of coz to have a farewell to our welfare seniors. once a welfare peep, always a welfare peep, remember this! i had a interaction with everyone and i will look into what all of you had said, i will tried my best to meet your request. lastly i would thanks all of those who had attended the bbq and i bet you guys had fun.

I LOVE WELFARE!

*if you want the photo, please take from me or jocelin in msn, lazy to post it out.

2009-06-15T23:07:00.003+08:00

pig tell me not to post emo post, so now i am wondering what to post?
hahas, i also dunno lehh,
alot of things happened but
i learnt to stay strong,
i learnt to face it,
i learnt to overcome it.
i bet i am a stronger jiaxin now ya?
hahas, stop it liao uhs,
or else pig gonna complain,
ahhh, shhhh,
cannot let pig know
i am saying about pig,
shhhhhhh.....
but tell you this uhs,
pig admitted something just now,
pig said:" i like so noob"
hahas, shhhh, ltr pig scolded me,
shhhhh, hahas.

happy post? pig?

quote for the day:" people often say that motivation doesn't last. well, neither does bathing- that's why we recommend it daily." by ziq ziglar

2009-06-14T00:57:00.001+08:00

Happiness is not in our circumstances but in ourselves. It is not something we see, like a rainbow, or feel, like the heat of a fire. Happiness is something we are.
John B. Sheerin

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.
Keller, Helen

when i am ready to post everything out, i will:]
goodnight.

2009-06-12T22:18:00.002+08:00

hmm, actually i got alot to say but this few days, i often keep thing to myself instead of posting, as i think it pointless to say everything out here, as long as i myself knew it the best, it enough.
i am super duper disappointed in you, i got nothing to say anymore. i hope you change but i know it will be hard.

" you haven't lost your smile at all, it's right under your nose. you just forgot it was there." by unknown
take care and miss ya ***, hahas:]

reply of tags:
zhihui: i know you miss me also no need to shout my name so loud, hahas:P
DJ: of coz i always got your love ya, you too:) will always have my love:)
guowei: what you mean? can you be specific?
geraldine: it okay, i never even take it to heart, hahas, it normal liao la, so it okay, hahas, don't worry, i am still very cheerful:P
zhiling: why never leave your link? hahas, thanks for your tag:)

2009-06-11T23:46:00.002+08:00

"sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down."

2009-06-07T21:49:00.002+08:00

reply tags:
baoling: so clever uhs you, hahas, all i know is i miss you, hahas:]
hisyam: you very cute uhs, ask me to stay strong yet you "i hope i can stay strong" rubbish, must stay strong ya? hahas:]
geraldine: i will try my best, hahas:]
cermelia: linked:]
menghui: hahas, study hard, jiayous!
guowei: of coz la, sjab always the best ma:]
zhiling: hahas, thanks, leave your url next time ya, study hard, jiayous!
DJ: i know, i will try my best, of coz la, i got your love to me ma, hahas, loved<3
tinymaple: your welcome, my best pal! jiayous....

2009-06-07T21:17:00.003+08:00

have dinner with my sis, rebecca yesterday,
i enjoyed myself alot:]
hahas, i took 1hour 30mins to finish a subway melt,
i bet i am so fast, hahas:P
after that we went to have a Girls talk,
i shared with her alot,
she never fail to be my listening ear,
the one who can understand me the most,
you are a great sister! thankyou!
the sky is nice ya, got so many stars
and of coz the bright round moon:]
i love it!
and we did something,
we went to somewhere and do something,
oh my goodness, i shall not say le,
ltr rebecca kill me! hahas....
*oh ya, got jealous anot?
you see, i told you, we will make you jealous! hahas (opps)*

today early in the morning,
i went to Frankel road to order bbq stuff for st'john and welfare,
and i finally get to see wanqin, i miss you. hahas...
after that went for a meal and sort of went shopping, hahas....
let make an effort to bring up the clique again, okay?
the 4 pillar of strength, jiayous!

uncle, i wish you a speedy recovery:]

2009-06-05T23:27:00.002+08:00

是我害怕尝试吗？
可是如果你知道痛苦的滋味，你还会尝试吗？
我有没有努力过？
我好乱，为什么事情那么复杂？
还是我把它复杂化了？

2009-06-04T21:59:00.003+08:00

why do i keep going round and round?
where the ending will still be the same?
what wrong with me?
does it seem so hard just to let go?
why can't i just forget it and let go?
is there hope that i am holding on?
why do i still hold on?
when i myself know that i will get hurt,
am i stupid or simply soft-hearted?
i bet i am stupid!
just to hold on to something where i know i will get hurt.
i just can't let go,
when i think of the time we had,
i just can't.
sorry.

happy 14th birthday shie jiun!
my best buddy ya,
must be more man liao hor,
never give up till the end.
passion is the key!
i want to see you on duty and pair with me!!!!
so never give up k?
strive to the end:]

2009-06-03T21:43:00.003+08:00

everything was fine,
it still the same.
i bet i am happier or am i not?
everything aren't the same anymore.
am i jealous?
2 years down the journey,
i was all alone,
but now,
you care so much so much because of a person in it.
what about me?
didn't i your only ******
your *********?
i am asking myself.
am i selfish?
but you will never know the feeling......
it hurt, it sux.

to someone:
i don't know what happened yet,
so i cannot tell you anything,
but i admit i know who that person is,
but it personal.
you can't force me to tell you who that person is ya?
let me find out first, patience!

to pig:
i am speechless,
when you tell me this:" 我比你更更更更失望"
this showed that you still care,
but do you know why am i this way?
coz i care, i care for you.
when you told me this,
out of the sudden,
i felt 我很失败,
i know you are sad,
you never expect me to be this way,
but this is what i really feel,
it my feeling,
but remembered this,
i will always be stronger than you,
i am your pig,
i must make sure that our boat will not sink.
never give up on you!
jiayous PIG!
but don't get too fat or else the boat will sink,
coz i got no strength to support you.:]

这就是我！

2009-05-26T19:09:00.002+08:00

i am speechless, i got nothing to say.
maybe mr gan and mr yeo was right,
this is the only way,
i can do to save my clique.
i don't want to see our friendship being destroyed,
我舍不得！
all we had been through doesn't seem easy.
the only way to stop all this,
is now my choice,
i bet leaving is the best way to save this friendship.
we are drifting apart,
even though we are physically close
but i knew it isn't this way in our heart.
i must learn to give up something to maintain something.
but one thing for sure is "i love you guys!"

2009-05-23T20:52:00.003+08:00

hmm, today was great!

early in the morning, i went for a workshop for prefects. the workshop is relational leadership training. it really teaches me alot of stuff and make me reflect on what i had done. i learnt that relationship are the key to happiness:]
and of coz next time round i must learnt to identified which is observation and evaluation before making decision:] and of coz the needs and feelings of other for what he/she said or by actions.
when i speak, i must not be demanding but requesting, and it must be clear, do-able, understand the needs and feelings of the other person and to have a time/ place /persons elements. the part which i find really useful is restorative conflict enquiry, a leader will use it most of the time, i bet, now i know how to help when there a conflict. there are alot of fun games during the 5hours workshop and this is the workshops where i gave all strongly agree in the feedback form, i bet i really enjoyed myself alot ba:]
*and and the part where i really reflect on myself is when the trainer said, imagine the person you meeting always late, what your feeling?, and the role play is exactly the same of what happening in the morning everyday to me, which make me felt really very guilty, next time i must be punctual. i bet you are really very patience coz you never throw your temper on me when i am late but a smile:]*

after that was a meeting with the acting ex-co plus varian and stella for the games day planning, hmm, i am scared, i am really scared, my st'john schedule is really very tight, not that i don't want to put in effort to it but i am just tired la, alot of stuff to do but i promise to give it my best:]

i feel guilty to leave early too, and i said i meeting rebecca:P but actually is to go meet someone, dj darling, sorry rebecca and the acting ex-c0, i got my own reasons, please forgive me~
hmm, we went to compass point to grab a bite and off we go for a walk, i enjoyed myself being with you, you are always so sweet:] we talk and talk, like there isn't any ending, if time permit, i bet we can talk for dunno how many hours:P talking to you i really felt very happy, the happiness is indescribable, it just a natural feeling:P
i love you, darling!

2009-05-23T20:39:00.002+08:00

reply tags:
guowei: a post will be dedicated to you soon, i am really busy, so i don't want to like just anyhow a few lines then full-stop. your post is long long de, coz i got lots to say!!!! so be patience and wait!
angeline: yupp, i miss you too.
tinymaple: you did, hahas... ndp cannot make it la, too busy. next time round? got alot of chance to meet up de la, don't worry:]
thengwei: hahas, thanks:] i bet you enjoyed you camp?
hisyam: i am fine and positive all the way liao:] support? i think you are strong enough uhs, no need support from me ya?
sokkuan: okay! satisfied with you result?
zhihui: me too! i love it, let go out often:]
wanqin: tsk tsk, you needa go update yourself le la, lousygirl is there when lovergirl is said.
baoling: yala, i miss you alot lor, holiday find one day we go shopping!!!
weizhen: linked:]

2009-05-22T20:47:00.003+08:00

hmm, back from st.john~

and and i am losing my voice~

i am teaching first aid, and i bet i am not really a good first aid lecturer ya?

i was glad that you guys understand what i am talking about!

now i know it hard to became a good leader~ it take courage to stand in front of all your cadets to teach them something. i want to be a cadet once again~

i am totally disappointed by you two today, cca is you two chose de yet you don't even want to attend any cca? you are the leaders now, yet we girls do the jobs for you two! don't you think you two are too much! miss loo was right, the two useless guys can forget it man! i don't wish to cry again for you two, you two go reflect ba, if you want to be this way, i got nothing to say.

我已经尽力了！you told us that you two did alot, please name out one by one, we count together? we didn't even complain, you wanna compare? why not? all we request from you two us is to come for cca, just once a week, also cannot make it then i got nothing to say. i know you are sick, it alright that you go home but why didn't you inform us before the day? all i can say is, you two are irresponsible leader! 我不管了，你们自己走一步算一步吧！i am so going to submit your name to Mdm Armit liao, since today morning she asked me to sent her the ppl who skipped cca as Mr Lawrence will cane them personally, you guys deserve it, don't blame me!

你们已经惹火了我！

LG

2009-05-18T22:44:00.004+08:00

LG is always LG! best partner is always best partner! i am always your LG(lousygirl/lovergirl), never will it change! we can never deny we are the best partner, isn't it? BNCO, BHN, BFA, Camps, Competitions and alot more is the best prove! don't feel drifted apart between us coz my heart always leave a place for you! wanqin dearest and malihah bestfriend too! we are always a clique! i hope in your heart i am lovergirl rather than lousygirl ya:]

2009-05-16T21:44:00.003+08:00

Quote:" worry does not empty tomorrow of sorrow- it empties today of strength." by Carrie ten bloom.

"take every chance to get the highest education possible as a good education would reflect well on one's self in society and hence, reflect well on one's religion. though we may not be able to achieve that with our own efforts, we have Gohonzon and hence nothing to fear. During your examinations you should try your best and be prepared for the worst. believe in yourself, believe in Gohonzoh" by reverend.
thanks reverend for your encouragement, i bet you are now in japan busying in the head temple or you went to other country already? i miss you.

i knew i can't, i hold back myself.

2009-05-03T21:35:00.003+08:00

我独自到外走走，去想想自己该怎么做？
放弃是最好的方法吗？
我知道会很痛苦但还能这样下去吗？
我走了好远，感到好累，
是时候我停下来好好休息。
我迷路了，不知道该往哪走，
谁能牵着我的手陪我度过呢？
我要一双温暖的手...... 因为我累了......
下一步到底应该怎么做才是对的......

2009-05-03T21:12:00.004+08:00

i knew him when i was at one public duty, if i am not wrong, it was an event "Goodnews Singapore"

he was a nice friend, and his first aid skills power man, i learned alot and exchange alot of tips with him.

he was a random guy, who does not like noisy and crazy places but love to be in peace and quiet places.

he is always very helpful, helping me to take my drink, open the cap and serve to me:]

he is very cheerful, and shake his head with the "good" hand sign almost all the time.

we started to chat when we are online, he never fail to entertain me, to bring me to another conversation which i don't even know them, he is always so friendly.

时骏, are you happy now? hahas, my best pal:]

2009-05-02T21:30:00.003+08:00

我已经拥有过了，也该满足了！
i think of giving up, i think of.
i know it gonna be hard,
but i am too tired to hold on to it anymore.
too many things need my concern now,
i don't want to be affected by this issue.
i put it aside,
but my heart can't settle,
i keep thinking,
keep thinking of it non-stop......
i know it gonna be hard,
but i am too tired to hold on to it anymore.
it time for me to let go,
maybe i will be more happier in this way?
i know i am selfish,
but i really don't wish to see the worst outcome.
i scared,
i got no confident anymore,
all those problems i am facing now,
i knew i can't tell anyone,
i can't!
no one can help me except myself,
i know it hard.
it gonna be hard but i am willing to try,
but who going to give me the chance?
i know it gonna be hard,
but i am too tired to hold on to it anymore.
当我想放手时，我却不忍心，但我已经努力了！
我是被动，不是主动！我已经累了。
i need time to settle down,
to think hard what to do next!

2009-05-01T21:26:00.007+08:00

事情从那一刻起就不再简单了！大概是我变了吧？我已经不是我自己了，没主见什么都没，我不过只是你的玩偶，不是吗？不管我怎么努力，你都不会看在眼里，那么我又何必做到那么辛苦？我累了，我什么都不管了，都不关我的事了！我所付出的我从来不求回报，可是你能起码给我一些尊重吗？我不快乐！自从那天起，我一直都在想我哪里做错？可是现在不是我做错所以请别怪我狠心！对不起！

my clique is always my pillar of strength, i really feel happy being with them ! today we went to the airport and we saw a lot of 2A peeps!:P being with them, i felt so relax, they don't wear a mask, we are who we are, truthful to one another. only being with them, i can be myself, i don't have to act, really! i love them, the laughter we had, we joy we had is always from the bottom of our heart! i love it! 宝贝，你要坚强！我们永远爱你！我们一定要心连心，一起度过人生最低潮的日子！一起欢喜，一起哭！加油！我打从心里佩服你，你的勇气！

to someone:
you might not read it but i want to tell you this!
as you said, we are on the same boat now, isn't it?
you must love yourself, promise me! you must!
seeing you being this way, 我心痛！
you understand? as you said, we are on the same boat
therefore you fall, i fall too, isn't it?
so if you do that, trust me, i going to do it also,
you know my character, i will!
it not the first time, there isn't a need for me to be scared,
我真的很心痛，别越沉越下，我不忍心看到你这样！
i promise to pull you up, i will!
i have confident, you know what i will do if you......

2009-04-26T16:03:00.002+08:00

HAPPY SWEET 16 BIRTHDAY REBECCA!
she is my very great sister, who always enlighten my life and given me alot of advise! the one that always listen to me, and sometime make me realised that hmm, i should change! and stop thinking this way! she always have her way to "lecture" me and instill some learning tips into me! that why i love to talk to her, she is the best person to talk to!

2009-04-26T15:25:00.015+08:00

my dearest senior, Angeline!
when i hugged her on Friday, i cried!
i think of the time when we are the medic,
it tough, there are alot of obstacle, it hard for us.
it was the period that i was really down,
there was time i wish to give up,
but you stopped me from doing it.
my mentor,
who i respected the most,
i disobey his order.
things wasn't the same anymore,
i lost my mentor,
because i want the best for you.
our friendship became deeper,
just like sisters.
you know how i feel, everything,
you know what i am thinking.
i said to myself that i am lucky,
even though i lost a mentor,
i gained a bestfriend!
we run the medic post for afew events,
we had fun,
the time we sleep together,
and even nearly bath together!
the time when we carried heavy drink
and everything from kovan and run back to school,
the time when we are at the bus-stop late at night.
the time the time the time!
you saw me breakdown not once but many,
you always tell me to be strong,
and never did you shed your tears infront of me,
but always behind the scene,
you said that you must be strong infront of me,
coz you are my pillar of strength.
everything changed, i am all by myself,
even though my mentor is back by my side coaching me again
but i really hope you will be there with me again.
everything will be different without you,
i am going to miss the time we are together, everything!
we went through alot of obstacle before we are so close
therefore i treasure the friendship with you alot.
i am sure that i am going to miss you, good luck for your 'O' level!
WE ARE ALWAYS THE BEST MEDIC!

2009-04-19T20:29:00.003+08:00

I am always trying hard, never did I think of giving up!

2009-04-09T21:12:00.010+08:00

present for her:P

NA 5 and ma'am siang yee:P

NA 5:P

it all started with nicole no.1, jiaxin no.2, wanqin no.3 and malihah no.4.

we are the sjab clique, the pillar of strength for each other. we trained hard for competition, thinking that we are the best, the clique must win!

on the journey to our success, something happened, malihah no.4 had to withdraw when it like less than 6days to competition. the 4 of us are about to give up, we couldn't accept the fact! one of the pillar of strength are gone, friendship are not stable and strong anymore, everyone are stressed!!! we knew that we had to give up but here come a hero, nelia!

she volunteered to be the no.4, we are glad to hear this, but we knew that deep down in our heart, malihah no.4 is still loved and miss! we thought everything was over but it not! it was just the start of the journey! something unpleasant happened on the last 4th training, we quarrelled, when we are upon to give up, there were alot of support given by peers, tears are like tap water! along the way, we aren't happy at all, but we put down our feeling to train hard, slowly we accepted each other! we became close but not as close as malihah!

we strive to the end, to show them that yuying st'john is strong, we just hope to clinch an 2nd runner up as it a short period to train, we can't expect much. the day arrived, nicole no.1, jiaxin no.2, wanqin no.3 and nelia no.4, we went to HQ, with an heavy footstep. we gave our best shot to all the components and when result are announced, we got 2nd runner up, we are shocked, speechless! of course we are happy but malihah is not there......

thanks nelia no.4 for being with us, to help us along the way! we are a team, always a team! NA 5 GO! and today we went for a celebration with ma'am siangyee! and we brought gift for her as she really spend her time for training us. it aren't easy after all.

malihah: we love you, we understand your problem and we won't blame you. we are a clique, do share your problem with us, coz we love you! remember the xin gan bao bei?

FOREVER NA 5, NICOLE, JIAXIN, WANQIN AND NELIA! 252/300:)

foot drill 32/50, first-aid 80/100, home-nursing 140/150.

2009-04-09T20:29:00.005+08:00

i am proud of myself! really proud of myself for wining a 2nd runner up for st'john, my wish came true. i am glad coz at least all our hard work is not wasted! but in life, if you gained something, you surely lose something too, and i lost something! i am sad but it is life, i will accept it! will not be posting much as i am very busy! got st'john tomorrow, public duty:P hahas! i am going to received my trophy next Tuesday, can i don't go to school? hahas:P paiseh la!

reply of tags:
joyce: busy ma:P will tag soon:P
xiuzhen: yo! surprised that you tag me, hahas:P
guowei: thanks for your blessing and support on that day! post xin shi? nah:P hahas:P
sok kuan: why wee~~~ hahas:P
zhihui: thanks for your tags:P hahas:P tag you soon:P
cien: where got? i am always the cheerful jiaxin:P imy:P
kian meng: linked you le! hahas:P
thengwei: what blur queen? rubbish, hahas:P
hisyam: yo!!!:P